May 4, 2023. I went to bed early and so I didn't call at midnight, but at 5 am I was there making time to call you and, while the reasonable time didn't arrive, I started thinking about you and scrolling through some memories. Some you might not even remember.

Like when we lived on Avenida Atlântica and you woke up too early on weekends, forcing you to play alone for hours until I, Carol, or Mom woke up. You took all the care in the world not to make noise and wake us up. Even though you wanted a playmate.

I remember some toys but especially the toolbox you loved; that box that accompanied you for years and years, because one of your favorite games was to fix things. And we, sisters, mother and brother always turned to you to fix whatever it was, to the point of not even trying, not even for something we were fully capable of doing, but because we knew we had your goodwill, affection, and patience at our fingertips. An endless goodwill that certainly made us and still makes us abuse a lot but, what to say...you got us used to it.

After this walk through our childhood, I remembered the trip to California. And every time I remember this trip I wonder how you didn't go crazy: a Taurus man traveling with an Aries sister, another Cancerian, and a Pisces mother for a modest 40 days. And in the same room. And of the many memorable and symbolic moments, the most striking image that always comes to my mind quickly from that trip was the 5 days of skiing in Mammoth. The 5 days you woke up earlier to be able to take all our ski gear into the car, all so that your sleepy sisters and mother could sleep more and also spare them the hellish logistics for which they had the least patience. But it didn't stop there, at the foot of the mountain you helped us put on our boots. One by one. And then the ski. All this to then go down the mountain at a much slower speed than desired, but you would never leave us alone. And to crown this beautiful day that started very early for you, it ended with the same dynamic ski, boot, car, but now everything covered in ice and with you operating everything alone, patiently.

Because nothing in your life can be more important than your family and your loves. The sky is not and never will be the limit for you because one of your most beautiful qualities is selflessness, the ability to put others before yourself and give them all your heart.

The center is never in you. Although I would like you to be able to take it inside yourself from time to time.

There are many things I could tell you, but today I want to thank you for being this brother to me, your care, concern, and affection throughout your life have shaped my perception of what a truly great man is, gave me and gives me the security to know exactly my worth, my place in the world, what I want and how I deserve to be treated. And never settle for less.

"Bill, as a man, what would you think of me if I behaved in X way ?”. And how many times have I learned from you to sweep away the remnants of machismo that I don't even realize I have: "Billa, as a man I think you should behave however you want! let go of that nonsense." And with you I learn to be more woman.

Maybe you don't realize it, but that's transformative in a woman's life. And, I must say, it's beautiful to see that you've grown to become this man who knows how to treat, care for, respect, cherish, and encourage women, but not just the women in your family and your (many) friends, but all women. Something rare to see.

It fills me with pride to see that you are, every day, the human being that The Zé so insisted on being, even though some of the teachings revolted us in childhood, the biggest (and most hammered) of them was: "no matter the posture and attitude of others, you will never return the same coin and your posture and education should never be molded according to the attitude of the other. It is precisely in the most adverse situations that we show our education, character, and consistency."

That shaped you. And it's another one of the many qualities that set you apart. And make no mistake: it doesn't just set you apart from all the other men I've ever met, but from all sapiens.

They say that behind every great man there is a great woman. I believe it. And the opposite is true. Although I can't put myself in the place of the great woman, one thing I can assure you: behind this sister and woman who is confident to be who she wants to be and make all the decisions she sees fit, there is the security of having you with me.

If there's one thing I've learned in these 33 years is that no matter the time, place, space, temperature and pressure conditions, there you are always ready with your own Poppyns sized toolbox, which you keep inside your heart.

With Affection,
Maria Helena.